Men Don’t Want to Talk About Confidence — But Here’s Why We Need To By Sharif Colbert, LifeCoachATL
- LifeCoachATL
- Jul 30
- 3 min read
Look, I get it. The last thing most men want to do is sit around and talk about confidence. We’d rather debate football stats, argue about music, or fight about why chicken wings should never be boneless (they shouldn’t). But here’s the truth.
A lack of confidence is the reason you
• Stay in that relationship you know isn’t working
• Won’t make new friends, even though you’re lonely
• Don’t speak up in meetings even though you had the best idea
• Avoid therapy or coaching because “you’re fine”
• Haven’t asked for that raise or asked him (or her) out
• Don’t set boundaries with your family because you’re scared of the reaction
We act like confidence is something you’re born with or you’re not. But that’s not true. Confidence is built. And it can be rebuilt no matter where you’re starting or what you’ve been through.
I see it every day at LifeCoachATL. Men come to me doubting themselves in relationships, at work, even questioning if they’re good fathers. And after we do the work? They show up differently. Not louder, not cockier. Just more grounded and sure of themselves.
Reframing What Confidence Really Means
When we think about confidence or lack of it we usually think of it in a negative way. We assume confidence equals arrogance, or we label ourselves as “just not confident.” But what if you reframed that thought?
Instead of thinking, “I’m not confident,” try, “I just need a little practice being uncomfortable and I can do that.”
Think about the last time you stepped outside your comfort zone. Did you die? Of course not, or you wouldn’t be reading this. But how did it feel afterward? That little surge of “Dang, I really did that”? That’s confidence.
What if you could have more of that in your life?
Do People View Confidence as Negative?
A lot of people do, especially men. And honestly, it makes sense.
Most of us grew up thinking confidence meant being loud, cocky, or arrogant. Maybe you saw someone at work who was all talk and thought, If that’s confidence, I don’t want it. Or maybe you were raised hearing things like, Don’t get too full of yourself or Who do you think you are?
So we downplay it. We act small. We confuse humility with shrinking ourselves.
But real confidence isn’t about thinking you’re better than anyone. It’s about trusting yourself enough to show up as you are in relationships, at work, in fatherhood, and in life and knowing you’ll figure it out.
3 Ways to Start Building Your Confidence Today
1. Keep the Promises You Make to Yourself
Confidence isn’t built on hype. It’s built on trust. Every time you say, “I’m gonna work out,” “I’ll actually take a day off,” or “I’ll text them back,” and you follow through, your brain records that win. Do it enough and you start believing in yourself again.
Action step: Pick one small promise you can keep this week something realistic and knock it out.
2. Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
Confidence doesn’t grow in comfort zones. The more you step into uncomfortable spaces starting conversations, saying what you feel, setting boundaries, showing up as yourself the easier it gets. You can’t think your way into confidence. You have to do your way into it.
Action step: Do one thing today that scares you a little apply for the job, tell your friend you miss them, set that boundary.
3. Upgrade Your Circle
You know what kills confidence? Hanging around people who want to see you stuck. You need voices that encourage growth, not feed your doubt. Find friends, mentors, or a coach (hi, that’s me) who remind you who you are when you forget.
Action step: Take a hard look at who you spend your time with. Who drains you? Who helps you grow? Adjust accordingly.
Bottom Line
Confidence isn’t about being the loudest guy in the room or pretending you’ve got it all together. It’s about trusting yourself enough to show up as you in relationships, at work, in fatherhood, and in life and knowing you’ll figure it out.
And if you’re tired of sitting on the sidelines and you’re ready to finally build that confidence, let’s talk. LifeCoachATL is here to help you show up the way you want to for yourself and the people you love.
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