When Triggers Take the Wheel: A Story About Anger, Parenting, and Doing Better By LifeCoachATL
- LifeCoachATL
- 6 days ago
- 4 min read
With the good comes the bad or maybe it’s with the bad comes the good. I talk a lot about who I am today, but I haven’t always been this man.
One night reminded me of that in a way I’ll never forget.
The Dance Pickup That Went Left
Taylor had gone to her 8th grade dance, and I was excited to hear all about it. My daughter Kenny rode with me to pick her up, and we laughed the whole way there. When we finally saw Taylor, she was glowing, telling us she had danced all night. Kenny teased, “Did you dance with any boys?” and we all laughed. I didn’t mind her dancing, as long as she stuck to the family rule: no boyfriends until 16.
Everything was good … until we pulled into our neighborhood.
That’s when we passed a man walking his dog, let’s call him Kevin. Or Paul. Or James. Or Craig. (I’ll keep switching names because, honestly, the name doesn’t matter. The way he came at me does.)
I was driving the speed limit, like I always do. But Craig lost it. He started yelling, flailing his arms, flipping me off. “Slow the f— down, you stupid ass!”
At first, I ignored him. But then something inside me snapped. It felt like I was back in the 90s, ready to fight somebody for stepping on my brand-new white sneakers I had no business wearing in the club. Except now here I was: a suburban dad in a truck, enraged like I was 18-year-old Tupac… with my kids in the car.
I threw the truck in reverse.
“Pops, what are you doing?” my girls screamed. But I couldn’t hear them. I rolled down the window, ready to get out, yelling, “Who the f— are you talking to? I’ll slap the shit out of you!”
The look on his face was fear. The look on mine? Rage.
And then I heard something louder than my anger: It was my daughters screaming, crying, begging me to stop.
That broke the trance. I shut the door and drove off.
Facing My Kids and Myself
The short drive home was silent. My hands shook on the wheel. When we got to the house, I asked the girls to step out. As soon as the door closed, I broke down and my fists hit the steering wheel, tears running down my face.
“What’s wrong with you? Thought you were past this? Your kids just saw you like a lunatic.”
After ten minutes of sitting with it, I walked inside. I pulled my girls close and said, “What you saw tonight was unacceptable. I’m sorry. This is on me, and I’m going to do something about it.”
They hugged me, told me they were scared but that they loved me. That hit me even harder. I knew I couldn’t leave it there. I got back into therapy.
My Trigger: Authority
Here’s the truth: it wasn’t just about Paul yelling. It was about what that yelling meant to me.
Authority has always been my trigger. As a kid, I didn’t have a voice. Anytime I tried to explain myself, it was seen as “talking back.” That carried into my teenage years and adulthood. Whenever I felt “checked” or disrespected by someone in authority, I was ready to fight.
So when James shouted, it didn’t feel like a random man yelling about the speed limit. It felt like every time I had been silenced, every time I had no say, every time authority was used to shut me down. That little boy in me came roaring back.
That’s how trauma works. Triggers don’t just happen. They throw you back into old stories you never healed from. You’re not reacting to this moment you’re reacting to every moment that felt like this before.
Here’s a great read on how childhood triggers shape your parenting patterns: How Triggers from Your Childhood Shape Your Parenting Psychology Today.
Examples of Triggers in Parenting
A child trying to explain themselves, and the parent interprets it as disrespect because of their own history being shut down.
A partner’s raised voice causing you to shut down because it mimics voices you couldn’t argue with as a kid.
A boss giving feedback and you spiraling and not because it’s critique, but because failure used to equal shame.
What to Do When You’re Triggered
Here are tools I’ve learned (and continue to use):
Pause and Breathe
One deep breath before reacting can save a moment from blowing up.
Check the Story
Ask yourself: Am I reacting to what’s happening now, or to what this moment reminds me of from the past?
Use “Now” Language
Instead of, “You disrespected me!” try, “I don’t like being spoken to that way.” Keep it present, not past-oriented.
Get Support
Whether it’s therapy, coaching, or trauma-informed care, healing triggers takes help. Trauma-informed approaches focus on what happened to you, not what’s wrong with you Wikipedia.
Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and trauma can influence parenting for generations but they don’t have to last that long www1.racgp.org.au+15verywellmind.com+15parents.com+15.
Final Word
I’m not perfect. I’m human. But when you know better, you do better.
That night with Kenny and Taylor in the car reminded me that anger will drive your actions if you let it. But healing, accountability, and tools help keep you driving in the right direction.
That’s the work I want to help other parents, moms and dads do too.
If you’re ready to work through your own triggers, heal trauma, and build stronger relationships with your kids or in general visit LifeCoachATL.com to book a free intro session.
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